On the dubiousness of perfection

I am a failure at living a life about social justice. Oh, I recycle, and turn lights off, write my congressman when I can, and boycott Nike, but when I think of a real social justice life, it would involve living simply, and not consuming so much, and being peaceful and meditating twice a day. I know people who actually do these things. And they are vegetarians, too. I barely have enough self-disicpline to stay on a diet for longer than two weeks, much less avoiding meat completely. Or doing anything else consistently for that matter.

Most spiritual people I know are orderly and disciplined and don't move a lot, whereas I move about once a year or whenever the carpet gets dirty, whichever comes first, which is often since I have two dogs. As someone who would have been daignosed ADHD as a kid, and actually was diagnosed as an adult, my life can get chaotically disordered and while I keep my house fairly neat, my checkbook is never balanced and my life is even less balanced.

What I do have that could be considered spiritual are friends and community and a willingness to be honest with myself and others, and maybe even a little bit of humility about never being anything close to perfect. In fact, I look at attempts to be perfect with great suspicion. Perefectionists are people who will never know the joy of finding the right person to do the right job for you, because they do not need anyone else. Perfectionists are tense and rehearse everything in their heads before they make a move, as though making a mistake would cancel out the right for them to take up space on the planet. Which boils down to their belief that you HAVE to be perfect to earn that right.

Forget God and God's unearned grace. These folks have earned their way into the kingdom through sheer, gritty self-determination. And they make me nervous with their perfectionistic glances and the judgment sitting right behind those glaring eyes. I ave not earned anything. I can get giddy with delight at being allowed to play in the kingdom's playground at all.

Perfectionists do not need support groups, either. Oh, they might show up in some of them, out of the pain caused by their perfectionism, but when it comes to actually relying on another person, it just isn't possible. So relying on God, whom we can't see, is an even trickier proposition.

But when I am at my spiritual best, which is relative to my spiritually worst times, I am able to see the scared kid underneath all that neatly ironed and well-groomed facade -- the scared kid who learned somewhere that if he didn't get it perfect, it was a complete failure, and he didn't deserve to be loved. And I am grateful for the mother who used to cuss at me and roll her eyes when I was a handful, but who never let me forget that she loved me. Like God does. Even when I am far from perfect.

Everything in excess!

"Everything in excess!" wrote Robert Heinlein as Lazarus Long, the centuries old salty character in a bunch of his sci fi books. "To enjoy the flavor of life, you've got to take big bites. Moderation is for monks."
What would Lazarus Long say about our current sqeamishness with truth? It has become more important to be careful and not rock the boat than it is to speak truth. There is even a quote floating around out there that Archbishop Rowan Williams can't even defend claiming that he said, "Unity is more important than truth."
I can't imagine that. But if what they say is true, that he hates conflict and just wants peace at all costs, then perhaps he did say it.
Unity may be more important than being RIGHT, maybe. Or unity may be more important than having all the answers. But if some wise person has some truth to offer this crazy world, I sure hope she isn't sitting back worrying about whether it will disrupt the unity. In fact, I might be bold enough to say that without truth, our unity is on shaky ground, indeed.
Let's have an excess of truth! Even if we only believe it's our truth. Let's claim it boldly and let the monks make everyone happy. Although Joan Chittister doesn't seem to care whose unity she disrupts. Salut!